Apr 22, 2025

John Mayer saves me again.

I still get anxious when I press play.
certain songs, certain riffs, certain lyrics are rough-edged; designed to cut straight through anyone's high pain threshold. 

I have to remember, though, that the numbness has taken root, gotten deep over the years. pain doesn't feel the same way as the same pain from before. everything is dulled and easily shaken off. 

what I could have only dreamed of having. for my first heartbreak or loss. and grief.

this is not what I wanted. at all.

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